Loss

Disney calls it "The Circle of Life".  The Bible mentions it several times, possibly best in Ecclesiastes 3: "(1)There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:  (2) time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot . . . (4) a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance. . ."  This was even then the basis for the song Turn, Turn, Turn by The Byrds.  Why do I mention these things?  Well, this past week the concepts mentioned in all 3 references have been made painfully clear in our lives.

Shortly after publishing my last post about more good news on the adoption front we received a devestaing phone call from my dad.  My grandmother, Granny, was nonresponsive and was being rushed to the hospital.  It didn't look good and there weren't many details.  My mom was on her way to the hospital to meet her and see what was wrong.  Not too much longer came even more dreaded news, Granny had apparently suffered a massive stroke and was essentially brain dead.

No!  What?!  Huh?!  Upon receiving this news Amy and I got dressed and packed the boys some clothes.  It was about 8:00 p.m. and they were sound asleep.  We dropped them off at Amy's mom's house and we headed out to the hospital to meet my mom.  And to say goodbye.  Admittedly, I was in shock for the duration of the drive to the hospital.  Amy can attest to this, and some of the random topics I talked about on the way.  When we got to the hospital we began to grieve as my mom met us and told us the story.  Granny had gone to get the mail and wasn't feeling well, she had a headache.  She came back in and laid down.  This didn't help so she took some medicine and laid back down.  Sometime thereafter she had the stroke.  It occurred at the brain stem.  Due to this location and the severity of the stroke, there was nothing that could be done.  She had a DNR already in place, but my mom kept her on the ventilator until my Aunt arrived.  After saying our goodbyes we honored her wishes and she was taken off the ventilator.  We stood there, together with her one last time as she went home.  We held her hand, kissed her, and told her how much she had always, and would still always mean to us.  When the time came, it was quiet and peaceful.  This by no means meant it was any easier, but it did bring consolation to know that she went that way, there was no trauma or pain.

After a while we returned to Amy's mom's house around 2:30 a.m. in enough time to get about 2 hours of sleep.  We decided to keep busy and go to work the next day, despite the fact we were emotionally, physically, and mentally drained.  The next few days were rough for us.  Questioning why.  Wondering how to move on.  What happens now?  Possibly one of the best things during this time was when Amy chose to tell Braeden about what happened.  His response was matter-of-fact as he stated that now she could be in heaven playing with Jesus and Aunt Roe (my godmother and Granny's sister who passed about about 3 years ago).  We continued to talk about Granny and the situation with the boys, Amy taking the helm in these conversations because I was not able to.

The end of the week brought the true finality of the situation as we held the Visitation for Granny on Friday evening and the funeral Saturday afternoon.  There are not words to describe how difficult it was to say goodbye yesterday and many of the questions from this past week still remain.  There is much work to do in the coming months, mainly falling on my mom and aunt.  Amy and I, though, have of course offered to help as much as possible with anything we can do.  Who knows what the future holds for our family or how we will adapt to a life without my grandmother, who was clearly the matriarch of the family.  This has been, though, a reminder of how fragile and brief life is.  You never know when it will come to an end.  This has led to a lot of introspective thinking and analyzing about our lives and those of our family members.  This past week has also given us a clear example of how the Lord gives and takes away.  We relish in the joy of the impending adoption of our beloved daughter, yet at the same time mourn the loss of our beloved Granny.  Balancing the changes and seasons of life, both the good and the bad.  One of the hardest parts being the fact that Granny will never actually get to meet our newest addition.  Which brings me to probably one of the best stories I will ever be able to tell.

Thursday Amy was going through the mail when she received quite a surprise.  They had attempted to deliver a piece of certified mail from Granny.  Since we had not been home it was taken back to the Post Office.  What could it be?  The earliest we would be able to get to the Post Office would be Saturday morning as we prepared for the funeral.  Saturday came and we made the trek to retrieve the mysterious envelope.  What was it?  Tuesday morning, the day she died, Granny had mailed us a card.  It was a simple card, stating that it was simply because she had been "thinking of you."  Inside a hand-written message: "To bring home my China doll" and a check to help get the adoption underway.  Pretty amazing huh?  So, no, Granny will never get to meet our daughter, but she will always be with her.  This one final gesture sums up my Granny perfectly.  Always loving.  Always praying for and thinking of others.  Always caring.  Always there.  Always with us, no matter what.

All is well, mourning and remembering, in Drosche Land.