"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Saturday, January 10, 2015


Danger. It lurks around every corner dear friends. 

In short, the coffeemake at work tried to kill me yesterday. I contend it was a murder-suicide that luckily didn't come to fruition. 

So, here's what went down.  You know I love me some coffee.  Love it. Luckily the vast majority of my coworkers drink coffee so there is always and endless supply throughout the day.  So I do my part and help out. I make coffee all the time when the carafes are empty. I'm sure you are familiar with the kind of coffeemaker we have. It's the huge industrial one that brews directly into the giant metal carafes. You know the kind. They hook up directly to a water line and the water is always hot and ready. All you have to do it place coffee in the basket and hit the button. Simple. Easy. Usually. 

So yesterday I get to work early, as is the case on Fridays. So I decide to brew the first batches of coffee. I take Stella with me and she is happily chewing down on her kolache (Friday is "Donut Friday" for the kids). I clean out the first carafe, put it in place, add the coffee, and press the button. Then I go about cleaning out the second carafe. I hear the coffeemaker doing its job and I glance over. However, I don't see the liquid elixir pouring into the carafe. Nope. Instead, steaming water is pouring out of the top of the back tank, down the sides of the coffeemaker, and onto the counter. Crap. I grab paper towels by the handful and begin to (unsuccessfully) mop up the growing puddle to prevent a bigger mess. The water keeps coming. I keep going at it with paper towels. Side note: these are those paper towels found in most places. The white ones. Ok for drying your hands, but not much else. I'm basically soaking the paper towels and moving water around. It gets chaotic. Think of the I Love Lucy episode where Lucy and Ethel get a job at the candy factory.  You know. It was a lot like that only it was just me trying to race against time and clean up the water. All the while Stella is watching me, happily munching on her kolache. 

So, where's the danger in this?  The near-death experience?  Just wait. It's coming. So the water finally stops. I breathe a sigh of relief and finish cleaning up the water. Still wanting my coffee and not wanting to have a hit put out on me by my coworkers for breaking the coffeemaker, I decide to try again. But I notice the coffeemaker is no longer on. It's plugged in, but not on. The clock plugged into the same socket is not working either. Crap again. Being a gfci outlet, I'm not alarmed. So I unplug the coffeemaker and the clock and hit the reset button. Plug the clock back in and it works!  Woo hoo!  I'm on my way to caffeination!  Plug the coffeemaker in and the socket blows, sending little sparks out and popping. I believe it was the coffeemaker's grand plan. Electrocution. Crap. Again. This is where I drew the line. I would find some other way to consume copious amounts of coffee during the day.  But not with this murderous appliance.  So I unplug it, reset the socket, write my coworkers a note, and move on. 

Luckily the church office has a similar coffeemaker and someone else goes to make the coffee. They didn't die. As of the end of the day yesterday the coffeemaker was still dead, unable to be resuscitated by our school's handyman.

This is the second run in I've had in the Workroom. Last year I nearly got my tie and lanyard caught in the laminator, nearly escaping another freakish fatality. Maybe it's just me?  Who knows?  But my point is that it's a dangerous world out there, at least for me.  Last night I had the feeling I was having my own Final Destination experience. That or it was like Transformers and some rogue machines have it out for me.  We will see what Monday brings. Coffee?  Death?  Stay safe friends. 

All is well, unscathed, in Drosche Land. 

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